Original Thought · Uncertainty

Intentional

In the spiritual realm (however you define that) everything is intentional. In the material world (however you define that) everything should be intentional. But, I find myself walking amongst many people who expect that somehow, the change they desire will happen organically. If they wish upon a star and take no other action or make no other plan, they believe that some mystical force will move mountains to make their craving (petty or otherwise) come to fruition. My thesis is that there is a magical force; the individual and collective efforts of our world in consort with the rhythms and rules of the planet.  If I want my heart’s desire to transpire, I need to perspire.
 
I have my superstitions and my supersense catches glimpses of many things I don’t understand. I see cause in correlation and correlation in coincidence and coincidence in confirmation. Often, I comfortably comply with a practice that is based on a ‘gut’ feeling because I have never seen tragedy when following this approach. For all my thought and all my reading and writing, I am still comforted by the convenience of a convention. I am convenienced by the comfort that conformity brings. But when I reflect on instances like this I am troubled by my willingness to concede to heuristics, mumbo jumbo and magic rather than make the effort to persist in discovering and uncovering what might be.
 
In “Behave” by Robert M. Sapolsky says ” displacement aggression (prejudice, anger, fear, love .. emphasis mine) can decrease the aggressor’s stress hormones”.” this world of sensory stimuli, much-sensed unconsciously, is subject to what occurred in the prior hours, to change sensitivity?” What evolutionary pressures have played over the millennia or what stressor in the last day is calling for conditioning?
 
As I ramble through this idea, I arrive at an oasis. If everything is intentional (or should be) and my superstitions are in some way influenced by evolution and bias, why do I/we resist nonconformity? Is fear of change or the unknown a DNA flaw in today’s reality? I am not evading sabre tooth tigers or scavenging for non-poisonous mushrooms any longer so why hasn’t this function receded or disappeared? Is there an impending reversal of fortunes that we collectively foresee? Will I need to stalk, hunt, and slay my meals in the future? Maybe, but it seems counterproductive to not adapt to those circumstances as required.
 
Further rambles – Is there any way to believe that events happen organically without having some belief structure that points towards mythical, magical, supernatural cause and effect? In my world, I can’t allow that two people can meet and without effort or intention fall in love and that cupid or some other intervener has cast a spell to have them live happily ever after. A strong marriage or long-term relationship requires hard work every day and when mistakes are made, and they will be, atonement is necessary. The idea that ‘love means never having to say you are sorry’ is a dangerous myth. Diligent and sincere consideration for the other in the relationship and a willingness to recognize and acknowledge when you have been insensitive or inconsiderate is a healthy, enduring, reciprocal relationship.
 
Further rambles part 2 – If Sapolsky is correct and our behaviour is at least partly controlled by genetic and evolutionary building blocks and hormonal secretion as a result of stimulation and stress, how do I manage my own emotions?  How do I reconcile the chaos that I see in others? When Joe snaps at the slightest provocation this morning but shrugs off a slander tomorrow, what am I to make of it? Can I accurately predict how I may react to praise on a day that I have been frightened by a near-miss car accident? How will I react if my beloved, Heaven forbid, has a serious illness? Yes, I see the superstition in the above sentence. Are all behaviour expectations really just averages and generic or is there a way to know how an individual will respond to a situation or a message? Maybe it doesn’t matter unless I am marketing or selling a product or service. If I am in a relationship, some mystery and an unexpected observation or unimagined acknowledgement are healthy for the alliance. After all ‘familiarity breeds contempt’. If I feel I can forecast my partners every move, I am on a short cut to taking her for granted. The balance between sharing enough tendencies and beliefs to feel at ease in someone’s company and being able to ‘know’ what they will say next is a delicate balance. It can only be achieved by testing the scales regularly and making adjustments to keep things interesting.
fun · Original Thought · Uncertainty

Left Behind

My grandmother left me a world that was better for her having lived her life on it. I suspect that her grandmother had given her the same inheritance. What am I leaving my grandchildren? What will you leave future generations?

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( a stock photo courtesy of Canva.com)

I was taught to model my behavior and relationships through her courage, curiosity, and certainty. Grandma had dozens of grandchildren, and at her funeral in 1977, I was a pallbearer. I was also convinced that I was her favorite until I discovered that all my cousins thought the same thing. Realizing that I shared the position with so many didn’t dampen my enthusiasm but rather encouraged me to try to live my life as if the person in front of me was important. I have failed greatly and succeeded meagrely, but her practice still resonates and rings true regardless of my measure.

Gertrude Edith Lavender Holmlund was born in Gillman, Iowa in 1895. She moved to rural Saskatchewan to homestead with her husband Ezra and raised nine children on the small farm. Grandma was a reader and a reciter who performed long poems, stories, and sagas from stages across the prairies. The love of words passed through the stubble and sunshine through my mom down to me. Between my grandmother’s knee to reading to my grandchildren today, there are 50,000 books that changed me and how I see my world. In the 1970’s, she was still reading to learn and was memorizing new pieces to dazzle and entertain an audience. Recently, my mom who is 90, began reciting Kipling’s “If ” around a campfire. The words and verses poured out of her, and she couldn’t recall when she had first learned it. (likely almost 80 years ago).

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

To the end of her life, grandma was certain about many things. She held and lived a life of Christian faith in the Lutheran Church. She held left-leaning political views about government and cooperation. Family, with all its warts, was the most important treasure she had. She saw her world change from breaking land with oxen and pioneering a province and a cooperative movement to international communications and travel. Over the years, she held to tradition where it was relevant and meaningful. She could be stubborn about somethings like God and social action while open to think and adapt to things like music, poetry, and love.

I don’t have nor desire her certainty. I am comfortable living with more ambiguity than should be comfortable. I lean away from tradition even when it might still make sense. I struggle with being compassionate when faced with people and ideas that I abhor. I get to be a provocateur and contrarian because of the life my grandma lived and the world that she left me.

Make Today Remarkable, by leaving today better than it would have been without you,

Bob

fiction · fun · Original Thought · Uncertainty

Future Forecast for Fun

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Future Forecast for the Week February 6 to 13, 2018

Odin January 1 to February 5

Odin is the lord of all other gods. You are the most knowledgeable.You draw wisdom from the tree of life, which gives you your power. Your friends and associates come to you for advice.
This week your horse rides above the clouds. You will be called upon to offer the highest level opinion on a very big project. Be bold with your voice. By the end of the week, an opportunity will be lost.

Thor February 6 to March 16

Thor is the grand defender of the realm. With your huge hammer and your strength, you bring calm and peace to conflict. You use your strength to strengthen others.
You will be asked to choose between the efforts of two colleagues. Lift both of their creations up and help them become co-creators. Mediate and moderate the tone of discussions on the weekend.

Loki March 17 to April 29

Loki is essentially the god of pranks and mischief-making. You bring levity and disruption to your relationships. As a shapeshifter, you are very difficult to get to know.
Tuesday isn’t a good time to cause discord. Use your humor to entertain rather than to provoke.In the final hours of the week, the fruits of last weeks interjection will be apparent.

Heimdallr April 30 to June 3

Heimdallr is the bridge between the powerful and the weak. You act as a peacemaker when discord rises above functional tension. You carry the weight of others and need to deliberately step back on occasion for self-care.
Your courage and conviction to bring collaboration from the fire of conflict are needed all week. Offer your reputation to and resources to save the day on Wednesday. Be honest about your willingness to continue without measurable results.

Magni and Modi June 4 to July 16

Thor’s sons are the contradiction of bravery and savagery. You are driven to succeed and can step over the line to get what you want. If you are on my side, you do what is needed to ensure that I am fulfilled.
Many associates are struggling at the beginning of the week with what seems like insurmountable barriers. You can help them knock some down and get around others.

Njord – God Of The Sea  July 17 to July 20

Njord is the sea and the net. You represent abundance to many of your friends, but they don’t realize that you are longing for abundance and meaning in your relationships.
Loki and Odin are behind you on Thursday, so it is a great day to take the first step and ask someone that you have been admiring on a date. The weekend will be filled with invitations, accept them all.

Tyr – God Of War July 20 to September 1

Tyr is loyal and sacrifices himself and his desires for those he cares about. You go above and beyond what is expected to your own detriment.
You have been bearing the emotions and scars of your family for the past week so lay low on Tuesday and Wednesday to replenish your own cups.On Monday, you will be asked for a major concession. Consider it carefully.

Baldr – God Of Justice September 2 to October 17

Baldr is the god of justice. You have a strong sense of equity and work unceasingly to balance the scales and bring dignity and honor to the less fortunate.
Before noon on Wednesday, you will become aware of a disparity in your workplace, and you are the only one who has the credibility to speak up and redress it. Your reputation will be intact because of the actions you take not your inactions.
Frigg – Goddess of Family and Love October 18 to November 23

Frigg is one of the foremost goddesses of Norse mythology. You are empathetic and empathic, so you feel the joy and sorrow of others. You carry the sixth sense and can foresee future circumstances.
Caution is required on Saturday and Sunday. Revealing what you see in someone’s life can exacerbate the situation and create unwarranted anxiety and chaos. You recognize that a minor choice on Friday will lead to a big decision on Monday.

Bragi – God of Eloquence November 24 to December 31

Bragi had inspiration carved on his tongue, and he inspires creativity in others. You can persuade and influence with fluency, clarity, and humor.
It is time to express your gifts and change the direction of a small group of people who you care about. The direction they are going needs a different heading. At midday on Friday, be alert to instances where your influence will make the world a better place.

 

As always these Norse future casts are for entertainment and levity. Use discretion in how you receive and use all advise.

 

If you were amused or entertained you can always buy me a coffee by clicking the link on the right bottom.

 

Thanks

 

B

Original Thought · Teamwork · Uncertainty

Partnerships

What does it take to make a successful partnership? According to Chuck Marohn in his post on Strong Towns this morning there are four elements. 1. LIMITED AND QUANTIFIABLE RISK 2. MUTUAL SKIN IN THE GAME 3. A REALISTIC CHANCE FOR A POSITIVE RETURN 4. A PROPORTIONATE SHARE IN THE GAIN

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Chuck is referencing public-private partnerships that make our communities stronger. If you have an interest in the public domain, the post is well written and interesting. I am going to approach the four elements of a personal relationship/partnership lens. I am often asked how my beloved and I had managed 42 years together when we were really just kids when we got started. I often say ” to live happily ever after; you need to work hard every day on being in a respectful, reciprocal relationship.” Some days, it is my job to make her smile, and other days she forgives me when I make her frown. We share the best and the worst of our days with each other and I am learning that most of the time, I just need to listen and hear her. Over the years, we have worked out a rhythm for the daily, weekly and annual tasks that need to be accomplished. We share the load unequally on lots of days, but over the course of time, we achieve balance. So what would Marohn’s elements look like in a personal partnership? 1. Limited and quantifiable risks – In every relationship there are risks. If everything is certain and assured, it is probably failing. Communication helps mitigate risks. What is at stake if an agreement misses its mark because I misunderstood, misheard, or misrepresented my understanding, interest, and willingness? Can my partnership withstand multiple risks at the same time? If I promise to spend more time at home but stay at the office late into the evening four days a week, what are the odds that this will be the straw? Is there an easy to use way to ‘calculate’ the liability and risks. According to Bayes Rule, if I am deciding whether to head home at 5 or stop for drinks with some friends I should ask ” Will J be upset?” If I was going to bet that she would be miffed or angry would I wager $1.00 or $100? My intuition would tell me to place a big bet so I should head home and have a drink with her. If we are considering a major decision that has been discussed and debated, we should be able to use Bayes Rule to improve the odds of success and happiness.

Mutual skin in the game – “A true partnership never allows a situation of heads-I-win-tails-you-lose.” I seem to discover one of these easy to say harder to do quotes every day. At its most basic level, I need to elevate my partner’s needs and desires to the same level as mine. To do that I need to investigate what those needs and desires are. Asking awkward questions and listening to uncomfortable disclosure sets the tone for discovery and in the discovery is a possibility that we can both have our needs met, PS – I hate the concept of compromise because I have only seen it presented as a lowest common denominator. If we can work harder and be more transparent, we can find an as yet unimagined solution that serves both parties fully. Skin looks like honesty, communication, and reciprocity. Both parties need to do their share and graciously recognize the efforts and contributions of the other. Partnerships where one constantly serves and one constantly receives are doomed.

A realistic chance of a positive return – According to Statistics Canada, about 38 percent of all marriages taking place in 2004 will have ended in divorce by 2035. I admit that staying married may not be the realistic chance that some are considering and it may, in fact, be a pretty low bar. I naively believe that all partnerships have a realistic chance at the onset and the chance improves as effort, adaptation, and understanding increase.

A proportionate share of the gain – Gain isn’t necessarily financial or anything as easily measured. I believe, and research supports, that we both are and will live better and longer in our strong commitment to each other and in the ways that we make our coexistence work. Gain might be that one of us shovels walks and does laundry or arranges the social calendar and keeps up to date with friends and family. I can gain time to do stuff I love doing when I don’t need to do ironing, painting or home repairs. I need to make sure that my benefit doesn’t exceed the other person’s by too much or that I am feeling used and resentful about doing more than my share. Whether an intimate relationship, friendship or a more formal partnership, both parties need to understand the scope and accountabilities. We need to be open about concerns and listen to anxiety and unease of partners.
Partnerships certainly aren’t easy, and these four elements won’t maintain or repair every situation, but if you begin with caring and communication, you are likely on solid ground.

Make Today Remarkable for a partner,

B

Original Thought · Self Improvement · Teamwork · Uncertainty

Adventure

Life can be lived as a straight line, but why would we. The straight path begins at birth and ends at death and society suggests a certain prescribed direction and milestones. Following the recipe leads to accolades and improvising is met with criticism. Staying the course delivers routine, predictable, mediocre while stepping off the trail and seeking out a life, less conventional, brings adventure and unexpected opportunities and challenges. If you have read this far and can’t imagine why anyone would stray from the safety of the formula you have been following, you might want to click through to Facebook or Daily News where comfort is waiting.

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Well, welcome to my adventurous friends. One of the definitions for adventure on Urban Dictionary is; For some, it’s a new pair of underwear, a different route to work or a new pizza topping. For other’s it’s a life-threatening outdoor experience that makes life worth living. The experience usually involves loss of digits, limbs, friends or all of the above. Just to be clear, I am not counseling the loss of anything important. If you lose your breath for a moment, your confidence for a second, your sanity for a while, or your insecurity for a week, I would be thrilled.

An adventure has a beginning and probably has an ending even when we aren’t sure of the destination. For me, the start is a reflection and assessment of me. Where am I right now, what skills do I have and what do I want to learn are more important than what others might think. I try not to worry about how others may define it; if it feels like an adventure to me, it qualifies. While I strive to be unique, I recognize that there is very little new under the sun. I find inspiration and instruction (but not prescriptions) in the lives of those I admire. Whether reading history, fantasy or mystery I am tweaked by the choices and actions of protagonists and antagonists alike.I don’ want to be them or live their lives but there are elements that I steal and synthesize for my current journey. I am encouraged by characters, real and imagined, that are curious, courageous and caring. I am amazed by the distance they will go and the effort they will expend to learn. live and love. At the onset of all adventures, I feel some fear and the inertia is strong. I ask myself lots of why questions to free myself from the gravity of familiar. ” Why do I want to do this?” ” Why am I stalling?” ” Why can’t I take the first step?” ” Why do I need to take this uncertain path?” Before I venture too far, I wonder if there is someone to share the experience with and/or someone who will help shoulder the load. If yes, then I extend a transparent clear invitation to them and provide them with a schedule including a deadline to respond. As I go through life, I am also open to receiving requests to join. My tendency is to lean towards saying “yes” so I sometimes overcompensate away from the default. The collaboration serves to temper my exuberance and hopefully, a second, third or fourth set of eyes will see any real danger that I might ignore.

I don’t let the backup support network make decisions for me but I do heed their counsel. I have enough latitude to ensure that I will play free and easy enough to make numerous mistakes and learn numerous lessons along the way. I get to choose to do the unexpected along the way even if it is obvious that there is a ‘better’ way or maybe because I am not looking for the obvious better way.

In the end, when I reach the destination or when I am sure that I am not going to get there, I try to celebrate. Adventure allows for gratitude in both circumstances and if I am willing and patient it offers information and data that can change the approach in subsequent attempts or act as fodder to create another opportunity.

Seeking out adventurous in our daily life can be difficult and daunting. Starting with smaller challenges might not be worthy of someone writing a book or movie, but they can act as momentum for something bigger. Read an online blog or journal written by someone you disagree with and then take an issue or position that you ‘truly’ believe in and write 250 words debating your firmly held position. Try cooking something new. Google Icelandic recipes or Bolivian food and try creating one of the dishes. Take a child to a trampoline centre or mini golf course. Sign up for a fitness class at the Spin or Rowing facility. Drive a completely new route to somewhere that you regularly go. Leave your phone at home for one day. Apply for a new job, even if you aren’t looking. Apologize for something that you have neglected. Start a side gig. Create a business that you are passionate about (small scale) and figure out how you can deliver something of value and add some new money to your wallet.

This early list isn’t exhaustive or comprehensive but don’t let the list or your indecision stop you. Do something manageably adventerous, today and get ready for something bigger.

 

If you were inspired, provoked or entertained by this post you can ‘buy me a coffe’ by clicking the button on the right

Original Thought · Self Improvement · Uncertainty

Its Up to You (believe it or not)

Are you optimistic, pessimistic, neutralistic? Is the world abundant, scarce or three bears just right? Is your view of the world about how you perceive the truth, your disposition, and/or your experiences? I can find myself feeling ‘hell-in-a-handbasket’ like my father, my grandfather and I am sure on occasion my grandchildren or I can deliberately expect and demand a different perspective from myself and different results from the world. My tendencies are a matter of wiring and if I don’t want to continue wallowing in self-pity I can undertake to rewire my brain to observe the magic, beauty, and mystery alongside the tragedy, hatred and vitriol.

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For me, it begins with morning meditation. I use a guided application called “Simple Habits” and practice is the first activity I schedule after my feet hit the floor. It isn’t a spiritual exercise as much as a consciousness and mindfulness kick start. This morning’s meditation was about gratitude for discomfort and how the aches and pains I feel physically and emotionally are likely my body and brain attempting to protect me from additional harm. Without feeling the twinge in my left Achille’s tendon, I might run until something snaps. If I didn’t feel anxious, I might jump off the next cliff without some measure of investigation and reflection. If I didn’t feel regret for not saying something to a loved one in a time of trouble, I might become callous and distant.
I don’t have any chronic conditions that cause me distress do I am not sure how someone could feel grateful for that kind of infliction but I encourage you to take a moment to understand and appreciate your stress, aches, or anxiety. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in it and don’t just accept the situation if there are options to improve or dissipate them.

My tactics for reframing are ecological, entertaining, and explicit. If I want to change my patterns, thoughts or actions I need to be aware of the surroundings that I find myself in and the surroundings that fit with how I see the changed self I want to become. In order to be more grateful, I can’t be surrounded by ungrateful or selfish people. I need to be surrounded by light, love, and learning. I can’t continue doing the same things in the same places in the same way that brought me to the valley of distrust and disappointment. For the circumstances to change, I need to change my where and how and who. Escaping from stinking thinking is essential. It means that there are people in my life today that can’t be in my life tomorrow. There are places I need to stop going and actions that I must stop undertaking. We all have a preferred or imagined ecology that fulfills more of our aspirations and unfortunately, it won’t manifest itself. We need to seek it out through our actions.

I can be shallow and unfocused and unless the change process is fun, I know that I might retreat to the depths that I am trying to escape. Fun need not be onerous or expensive. Meeting with uplifting people for an activity, a meeting, a coffee, a walk will put a smile on my face even when or because the conversation is an adventure. I met with three friends this morning for ninety minutes and we ranged across the sublime and inane to the profound and debatable. We laughed, we shared, we disagreed and we hugged. We expressed our gratitude for each other and the time spent and booked another gathering for a month from now. I left inspired, thankful and challenged. The stimulus of camaraderie and conversation caused neurons to fire against my hippocampus and began nurturing new pathways.

My final tactic; explicit is really an e word for intentional. ( I love alliteration so much that I always trying to catch it in my lists – ecological, entertaining, and explicit). In my worldview, nothing happens organically. Or nothing will predictably happen without intention. I must invest my resources and time in creating a V2.0 or V11.5 of me and I need to be vested in the outcome.

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” ~ Johann Wolfgang van Goethe

Make Today Remarkable, by choice,

Bob

If you liked this post, you can buy me a coffee buy clicking the button to the left.

Original Thought · Self Improvement · Teamwork · Uncertainty

Wow

Where is your wow? When are you wowed? In all the inequity of our world, we all have a special something that we can do to make others think and say ‘wow’. A great smile, a gentle touch, a kind word can lift others up. Remarkable service to clients and customers, inspirational writing to an audience (large or small), and demonstrated caring for family or friends would be wowing. Can you make the best cheese biscuits, paint an uplifting canvas, or can you perform some amazing or unusual physical feat? Have you considered how you can wow others and are you setting out every day to do just that? If you commit to being the sparkle in someone else’s day, I guarantee that you will find many times throughout your day that someone will intentionally do something that has you saying “wow.”

This isn’t mystical, karma, spiritual but rather it is practical. When I am genuinely interested in uplifting someone else, I give off vibes, aura, permission for others to choose me (rather than some grumpy, unreasonable customer) as the beneficiary of their goodwill. It is just easier to be nice to nice people. I don’t apologize for recognizing the connection and have decided to invest my time, my resources, my gifts and myself in the company of pleasant folks. I have tried to be the wower for complainers, naysayers, and nothing is ever good-enoughers but it is too exhausting, and I get dragged to their level and find myself nitpicking, whining and underappreciating.

Most days, my wow resides in an ability to gather disparate ideas and synthesize their essences into the big picture. The big picture isn’t always what everyone else is hoping for, expecting to see, or are happy hearing. The wow doesn’t have an exclamation point after it as in ” Wow! That is remarkable.” but more like “wow, that wasn’t what I imagined would happen.” I can elicit the former, but with my disposition and tendencies, it is probably insincere and unsatisfying. Your way of creating wow and hearing will be different from mine (as it should be) but can be equally inspiring and valuable. When I hear ” I didn’t like hearing what you had to say about the project but it was something we all needed to hear,” I take it as an acknowledgment of the contribution and my ego hears it as a compliment.

Today, I said “wow” to a colleague when they presented an analysis complete with spreadsheets and decision trees. The response wasn’t because of the work and due diligence but because we both know that this work required hard work that doesn’t come easily for him. The three letters put a smile on his face and inflated his chest more than anything I have shared with him over the last three years. ” I really appreciate that!” was inspiring for both of us.

Wow, can come in the unexpected, the unneeded, and the unappreciated. Wow can be delivered without being acknowledged but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t remembered. A door held open, a smile, a pay-it-forward coffee that is consciously and intentionally delivered doesn’t evaporate into the ether. It lives on through moments and people and can arrive in unimagined moments to raise your spirits, boost your confidence and offer encouragement.

Make Today Remarkable, by giving your best and biggest wows,

B

Self Improvement · Teamwork · Uncertainty

Transitions

Do transitions maker you anxious? Do you have trouble moving from one activity or environment to another? Do you prefer to stay home after a busy day and long commute rather than going out on the town? Even when I am in control of the circumstances, I still need to self-motivate and self-regulate in times when I need to transition from a comfortable situation to an unknown opportunity.

Imagine how anxious you might be if you weren’t in control and didn’t have a voice in where you were expected to go next. Predictability is a strategy that many employers use but that level of familiarity breeds contempt and boredom. A better approach would be to design respectful, productive, shifts from one approach, assignment, or expectation to something different.

Today I witnessed anxiety, pain and discomfort from an employee who is living with uncertainty and anxiety about where and what they need to be undertaking in the next phase of their employment. I also saw a small child fall to the ground and flail and scream when it was time to go home.

Whether working with a team or shepherding a family these 6 tactics should be part of the plan.

1. Don’t undermine, deride or deny the feelings that are being experienced, even if you don’t feel the same way or understand how someone else might be feeling. observe the body signals and listen to their words with openness and curiosity. Acknowledge the feelings and encourage everyone to safely express their concerns. It may feel that being a command and control leader or parent would be more effective and productive and it may be in the shorter term but the anxiety, emotional upheaval and health challenges this can cause will be more costly in the long run. Be the type of leader who leads with consistency, compassion and care will give you real authority and license to hold high expectations and be respected for helping them through the awkwardness rather than pushing them into a chasm.

2. Offer a clear, brief explanation as to why the change is needed. ” I understand that you are busy calling all our accounts receivable but I need a weekly sales report to give to the president” ” I can see that you would like to stay at the park but we need to leave in five minutes so that we can get home to start supper before mommy gets off work. She is working very hard and will be very hungry. Can you help me make supper?

3. Even in moments of anxiousness and distress don’t behaviour that is unacceptable or for expectations to be lessened. It may seem counterintuitive and callous but in stressful situations and transitions, consistency is more than ever.

4. Be generous with gratitude and judicious with praise. They need to know that their efforts are appreciated but lavishing too many accolades creates neediness.

5. Be patient. Be patient with the people and the process. Let reality sink in and leave time for reflection and understanding. Through our patience and trust, we give employees and others that we support a safe place to air their concerns, acknowledge that they are heard and still lead them through the rocky change.

6. The hardest thing to practice when faced with resistance, is determination. Don’t backtrack, don’t concede, don’t surrender or your leadership/parenting will become suspect.

This isn’t a silver bullet that will work in every situation (nothing is) but if you follow these steps and master the listening and negotiation skills that go along with them, you will have fewer tantrums, rebellions or productivity drops.

There’s a little bit of pain in every transition, but we can’t let that stop us from making it. If we did, we’d never make any progress at all. ~ Phil Schiller

Make Today Remarkable by leading rather than pushing,

Bob

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Normal

If you are reading this post, you likely live in a world where abundance exists, and possibilities abound. In the Information Era, we should have the desire, opportunity, and curiosity to break free from the mediocrity of normalcy. But many of us cave into the pressure of believing without investigating, saying without examining and doing without agreeing. The blandness of social channels exemplifies how truly unremarkable our lives can be when we chug along with the crowd. The backlash of trolls and the general churlishness of the global gossip network reinforces the bounded rationality of normal. Breaking out of the square mold takes courage, commitment, and curiosity but the reward of becoming unbound is that you get to sing your own song to your own beat without worrying about the naysayers and critics. In fact, once you gain some distance from the mob, their resentment becomes part of the motivation to continue.

When we live within the circle of sameness, we miss all the as yet unimagined. The remarkable accidents don’t have time or space to change our trajectory.The status quo seems okay, and we begin measuring excitement and joy on a scale with an extremely low bar. If the path is void of unplanned adventure, we plod along as if on Prozac with ups and no downs. Flatlining should only happen after we are dead.

Living a life less conventional is a choice that you can start at any age. As with most things it would be great if you could take one big step and become a curious adventurer but there are years of conforming and pressure to be ‘a good girl’ from a peanut gallery that wants you to toe the line, so they don’t need to consider how small they are living their lives.

The disposition to go along can be gradually shifted towards nonconformity and even contrarianism by taking one small step at a time. If you intentionally do something, anything, differently today than you did it yesterday, you are moving towards a healthier mental state. If you plan to take an action that will be seen as unconventional and even accept that you may initially be embarrassed, then your courage will be rewarded. When you understand that the social conventions and long-standing acceptance of unwritten rules is just a shared fiction that can and should be challenged, you have altered your journey.

If you tend to think of yourself first, then try to consider how your choices impact those around you. If you are more altruistic, then lean towards self-interest for a couple of decisions. If you favor a healthy lunch, then shake it up with something decadent.
Is your bookshelf full of nonfiction because it will improve your work performance, then try a month of nothing but fiction to improve your imagination.
Once you establish a comfort level in challenging your norms, you can venture into the area of debating and commenting on the opinions and ‘values’ of the amorphous blob. Values are in quotes because values are usually deeply considered and held views and beliefs but much of what I hear and see is just an aping of what has come to be called common sense.

The big takeaway and action I hope you get from reading through to the end are that you can be remarkable and lead a big life, but it needs to be on your terms, with your goals, your tactics, and your passion. Don’t let someone, anyone dictate your path or force you to hide who you are and what you believe from the world. We not only need differences but we should celebrate those who dare to present themselves uniquely. We should celebrate you, who you are and who you can be.

Make Today Remarkable in the most exciting and outrageous way,

Bob