Tag: authentic

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What is Normal?

Bob McInnisLeave a comment

There are people that I have met whose life choices I don’t understand. Their normal is so outside my frame of reference as to appear insane. I can’t imagine the journey that lead them to the worldview they espouse and demonstrate.

The normal might include a parent who deprives herself of basic necessities and enjoyment so she can ensure that her adult children will receive a generous inheritance. Our kids have been told that “if there is anything left when we die, it was a mistake.”

The normal might be a man in his early 60’s (I call him Vince) who gets out of bed at 5:30 and despite his physical and mental illness gets on a bus to downtown , regardless of weather, to stand on the same corner with his hat extended and a smile on his face. After the morning rush, he gets on the bus and heads home from his job only to return for a second shift later in the afternoon.

The normal might be an executive who hasn’t really seen nor talked to his children in months because he is working 10,11,12 hours every day to ‘make ends meet’.

The normal might be a single mom struggling to keep her three kids clothed and schooled who accesses a school lunch program and shops where she gets the best bang for her bucks.

It might be a couple in their later years who supplement their retirement with risky (some would say) behaviour. Or the young man who bets it all on the spin of a wheel. Or the young woman who bets it all on the spin of an idea.

Is normal just perspective? Is it  just adaptation in the face of circumstances? Is it just a defensive reaction to stressors?

I recognize that I am not normal but I am ok with that and likely foster abnormal quirks from my perspective and in order to adapt.

Make Today Normal, whatever that means for you,

B

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What to Do in your 40’s

Bob McInnis1 Comment

If I knew then what I know now (or think I know) I would have done some things differently (maybe). This isn’t regrets (I have a few, but then again too few to mention). This is about offering encouragement to readers in the 30’s, 40’s and 50’s to take action to change your world earlier than I undertook. If you have personal goals for a distant future, don’t put off starting until a later date (usually when I have more time, have more money, have more energy, experience..) Excuses are poor reasons to not begin.

I am healthier today than 10 years ago, I am smarter today than 10 years ago and 10 minutes ago I have stronger relationships than yesterday and last century. I wasn’t intentional about these changes until the last 6 years. Every day my intentions rule my actions and inactions. Every day I have the choice to do things or not do things that make my life, my family, my world better. I am better intentionally recognizing the choices and imagining the impact.

If I knew then … I would have set significant long term goals and then putting in place 10 day landmarks, 100 day navigation points and 1000 day destinations for as many longer term aspirations as possible. The higher level discipline of intention and accountability towards something important (to you) will reap remarkable benefits when you are a decade older and another decade older …

Make Today Intentionally Remarkable,

B

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Turning a Deaf Ear

Bob McInnis5 Comments

After yesterday’s post, I received 5 emails from readers who said ” I don’t have any art to make”. This was sad and telling.

I am told, by my beloved,  that I can exhibit ‘selective hearing’ – only being aware of what I want to hear. This can be rude and hurtful if done with other people but may be helpful if you can hone it for conversations you are having with yourself.

What if my heart was screaming “say something, do something, this isn’t right” and I tuned  out the voice? If the gift of fear was warning me to “stay away from this scheme” and I ignored it, the consequences might be serious. “You are remarkable” comes into my head and I deny it. ” Bob, try again” is the encouragement I ignore.

It is tricky business selecting which of my voices I should honor and trust and which are the voices of procrastination, dishonesty, anxiety. How do I know it is anticipation speaking and not naivete?

Lewis Smedes says “Seeing reality for what it is is what we call discernment. The work of discernment is very hard.” It is hard  given the judgments of the world. Unless I can discern, I cannot be certain I am acting in the highest and best manner. “However, when I feel aware, expanded and full of love, I must be doing something right (and conversely, when I feel bored, impatient and regretful I am not listening to the highest voice).”~ Sal Rachelle

Discernment is an act of awareness, whereas judgment as an act of ego. Practicing discernment  is like everything else and contrary to the adage it doesn’t simply make it perfect. Practice only makes permanent, if there isn’t reflection and accountability. Doing this practice alone is possible but can be earned and learned more easily and more quickly with a coach. I know that I have been assisted by the wisdom, challenge and accountability of a formal coach and my clients have added remarkable value and insights  to their lives through feedback, accountability, courageous goals, tension  and some systems thinking.

As always, I am available and open to discussing how coaching might add value to your life. Contact bob@remarkablepeople.ca

Make Today Remarkable, by being aware rather than judgmental,

B

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Does Collaboration Work?

Bob McInnis1 Comment

collaboration

Sometimes.

I have watched individuals, organizations, businesses, corporations, governments come together to tackle issues, improve services, build a better mousetrap, and defeat injustice. In a few cases the partnering of resources and expertise has worked but more often than not impact wasn’t magnified.

Tension, distrust, bureaucracy, memorandums, policies, processes, egos, lethargy, all work against success in collaborative efforts.

Last year I volunteered with a group of five social agencies purportedly trying to solve a critical issue. After four meetings establishing terms of reference, roles and responsibilities, budget and meeting schedules one of the participants said ” This is going to be great. None of us are going to have to work as hard with all of us working together.” I was surprised by the nods around the room and dismayed that they didn’t realize that with all of them pulling on the rope together they could move the ship faster and further if they didn’t reduce their efforts.

Governments come together to reduce CO2, battle terrorism, fight poverty, solve economic problems and it seems way more effort goes into getting along than finding and implementing action. (I know my action bias is showing) National agendas clash, credit is misrepresented, commitments lapse and it appears that the joint effort is more about photo ops and lip service than solutions.

Individuals seem to fair better at working together, formally or informally. Agreement on goals and action needed comes faster and shorter timelines are established. My experience in cocreation with others has been mostly positive because in a group of 2,3, or 4 there isn’t much hiding or dodging. We can get down to business.

I am not saying that businesses, governments and charities shouldn’t work together, I am suggesting that there must be a better way of wrangling the horses and getting them to pull as a team.

Thoughts, suggestions, comments?

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Coaching Can Make You Remarkable

Bob McInnisLeave a comment

Pioneered and developed by Marilyn Atkinson, PhD, Solution-Focused Coaching is an advanced coaching model that integrates the profession of coaching with a highly developed body of personal growth technologies. Developed over the past 30 years, it provides a comprehensive approach that assists individuals, managers and teams to take action in alignment with their highest individual and corporate vision. Solution Focused personal or business coach, does what a good sports coach, an acting trainer, or a writing teacher does, but with systemic clarity of focus. A Remarkable Coach, will challenge you and help to clarify what you want, and takes the time to find out what winning in life means to you. A Remarkable Coach is a partner in first clarifying your vision and the steps to get there, and then inspiring you to your next level of personal excellence. Through coaching you can discover the life you know as deepest aim; a life of development and accomplishment, both personally and professionally.

A coach will encourage, prompt, provoke and sponsor you towards the ownership of skill-sets that encourage and support your increased creativity, productiveness and effectiveness.

We all face doubts, barriers, personal scripts that slow or even halt our progress. People with high aspirations, move past these ‘gremlins’ through simply partnering with a Remarkable Coach.  Athletes, high achievers, musicians, writers, skilled actors know they get best results with a coach who can help them review aims, set directions, clarify and specify steps.  Their attention can then become relaxed around their ultimate direction towards excellence.  When they commit themselves to work with a personal coach they learn how to focus on their long-range ability sets. A serious performer or serious player in the realm of competitive sports or music would not expect to progress very far without a strong alliance with a good coach.

Contact bob@remarkablepeople.ca for information on a complementary one hour skype coaching session.

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Be the Author of Your Story

Bob McInnisLeave a comment

I have had times where I was being defined by others and accepting their depiction of who I was and what value I brought to my world. I didn’t like it. I didn’t even recognize it.

When I found myself in social, business or family situations that didn’t resonate with who I was, I began to understand that my story was being written by others. I don’t think any of the writers had malicious intent but they sure had a power. I began to wrestle back my story by interjecting edits, clarifications or retractions when a conversation or circumstance made me uneasy. This does take focus and courage. Rather than letting it slide, I needed to step up and own my story, state my case, and firmly hold my personal position.

I try to live my life holistically – in every situation, I am who you see and know. But pressure to conform to other’s expectations found me living in silos where my tone, persona, and choices were more a reflection of other’s than me. Worse if they saw me in a different silo, they might not recognize me.

Breaking out was/is a process of awareness of yourself, some form of articulation of yourself, public affirmation of yourself, and courage to resist the push/pull from peers and family. There are consequences, good and not so good. For me the good far outweighed the other.

Make Today Remarkable, by being the best you that you can be,

B