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If You Seek Hope, She Will Find You

I set out yesterday, ready to meet hope around the corner. She wasn’t in the places that I expected her; in my morning run or a walk along the river. She didn’t jump out of a closet and surprise me when I was feeling doubt. She didn’t whisper in my ear as I struggled to find the right words.

She was there in the kindness of colleagues voice and their graciousness towards our joint situation. She appeared in the encouragement I received from a supplier. Her shadow crossed my path with a new opportunity and the gentle closing of a long standing contract.

Hope went to battle on the sidelines with depression late in the day and held a shield to protect me from pessimism when I woke up at 2 in the morning. I will continue to seek hope and likely be surprised where she finds me.

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. ~ Desmond Tutu

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Hope Can be a Struggle

Hope is around every corner. If we open our hearts to a hopeful perspective, it can be found. Hope has the power to change the world. But there are other forces in the world and they can have a death grip once they get a hold of us. Disappointment, humiliation, confusion, overwhelming panic and negative scripts can feel like a yoke that is holding you back or down. Hope isn’t an elixir, magic bullet or a cure all ┬ábut rather a tendency. It isn’t a trick to use to get your way. It doesn’t offer a free cure to the blues or depression but if we practice hope and lean towards it, even when it feels foolish, it will lift us and keep us afloat. The more practice, the higher we can rise.

I suffer from bipolar disorder. Most days my alternative concoction of St John’s Wort and Vitamin D keep the cycles manageable. Occasionally, I can feel the air being sucked out of my body and I need to become more active in my quest for hope or I can soon find myself with a blanket of isolation over my head and disturbing thoughts racing through my head.

Knowing hope is around the corner is both comforting and encouraging. Today I am on a quest to observe and embrace hope.

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Appreciation

Feeling blue this week, partly my mental illness and partly my selfishness, I realized that I won the lottery 60 years ago. I was born in a place where possibility, prosperity, passion and political certainty are present. I have enough of everything. ( when I get depressed, it is when I forget that). I can imagine and achieve nearly anything ( another sub 5 minute mile, the exception). My family is healthy, including my 87 year old mom and if it wasn’t there is fairly reliable treatment available. Roof over head (pretty fancy by world standards), food on the table (diverse, tasty, plentiful), daily learning and teaching opportunities (even when they are unwanted), a safe community, a community of faith ….

The abundance in my life, that is lavished upon me daily, is remarkable. And yet, I can wallow. How do you overcome the feelings of scarcity in so much abundance?