Original Thought · Self Improvement · Uncertainty

Serenity

The Serenity Prayer is a troubling bit of naive advice.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.

Amen.

The more well known first five verses set up the contrast between action and inertia, between courage and wisdom, between divinity and humanity. For believers in a monotheistic world, it seems to be a means to shift blame and justify inaction. For unbelievers, it points to wisdom as the inspiration for decisions rather than any god or gods. The Glori Patre formulation brings familiarity.

The second stanza becomes very Buddhist for the first three lines. Accepting the world as it is rather than as I would have it be, is easy to say and certainly harder to do. In my morning meditation, I can be accepting of my surroundings; the light, sounds, and energy around me. I have learned to accept my aches, physical, emotional, and intellectual for the moments that I rest in awareness of my body but the experience is fleeting as I return to the room, the house, the world.

The metaphoric invocation is abrupt but temporary in line eight. Almost as an aside, an incantation that harkens the magic and power from beyond. The poet becomes frenetic jumping from self to Saviour as the reason to live and the means to solve the anxiety of decisions. If I relinquish the decision and the responsibility for it, I am absolved. Even if I don’t fully and truly accept the Christian myth, I am restored for making or not making a choice to act.

The prayer ends, as all good prayers should, with the incantation; repeated and bleated by so many. In the call for agreement, we reinforce the fiction that we have created together and which is necessary to make any sense of our world, our place and the concept of prayer.

As the prayer closes, it makes the big promise that regardless of whether I have wisdom or courage or knowledge and without consideration for how my self-imposed choice impacts others, I will live forever with the one who releases me of the responsibility.

To be clear, I have prayed this prayer on many occasions and my significant action bias always won out even when I didn’t have the necessary information to make the choice wisely. For the times when I know that my choice to act caused harm and for those times that I don’t recognize the hardship I contributed to, I accept responsibility. For the times that my limited view of the world suggests that my action was neutral or helpful, I accept responsibility too. No passing the buck, no shared fiction, just me being responsible or irresponsible in the moment.

This post was precipitated by having someone say to me ” God helps those who help themselves” in what I felt was a callous response to some homeless people we had an encounter with. He didn’t appreciate me suggesting that his statement was an acknowledgement that there is no god and if he still believed there was then, from my reading of scripture, that he was missing the big point by weaving a thick veil with a whole lot of very small stuff. Not my finest moment. But I was frustrated by his words and concerned that I didn’t have a better response to the two women and a man other than the giving of alms (which readers of this post will remember, I have referred to as a status verification absolution practice. ) If charity is the best we can do, so be it. But charity shouldn’t stop us from looking for root causes. If we continue to manage social issues, social issues manage to continue.

There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction. ~ John F. Kennedy

Self Improvement · Uncategorized

Observing Generositty

November rang in the month of generosity. I opened my eyes, ears and heart to caring, courtesy, camaraderie and champions. So far I have seen 129 smiles bestowed upon strangers, 31 doors held open, 2 instances of a stranger stepping up and carrying bags, and 2 times when someone paid forward a coffee purchase. I have received more smiles than I could keep track of, more encouragement than I deserve and unsolicited references and connections. People I hardly know shared their time and expertise with me, opened their heart to my concerns and offered generous and well intended advice.  I received an offer and an unexpected opportunity  from a colleague and then as he was leaving he tossed a big and sincere complement my way.

There have been dozens of chances for me to act with gentleness, kindness and hospitality and being aware of the moment I chose to respond with abundance and largess every time. Without the conscious intent of observing generosity I am sure I wouldn’t have been so consistent. My efforts and intent were warmly received and appreciated and in the moment and aftermath I received a splash from someone else’s heart and nobleness.

There is a theory that if we intentionally undertake a habit for 21 days, it becomes easier to maintain and eventually becomes embedded. Three days in, I am seeing the benefit I anticipated and am excited to continue developing this purposeful practice.

 

B

 

Original Thought · Self Improvement

We are What We Seek?

Do we always attract that which we are dwelling on? If I am thinking serious thoughts about serious issues, do I find myself immersed in reading, writing and discussing serious thoughts or do those find me? Does it matter at all?

I am amazed by what I observe and understand when I allow my attention to focus on a specific subject, idea or relationship. The discoveries are bold and normal simultaneously. With my eyes, ears and heart wide open, I find an array of opportunities, possibilities and small treasures. Do I attract those good things or do they appear from an ether that my scattered mind has fabricated because it is feeling overwhelmed?

Is this evolutionary brain architecture? Or is it more like when I am on the 57th floor of an office tower, I only see the surroundings and people on that floor. I can imagine Jan on the 23rd, who I am meeting with tomorrow, and the great latte I am going to get at 10 am from the shop on the 2nd but unless I am dreading or lusting for either, my focus eventually gets pulled back to the immediate.

Do I imagine that I see more expectant mothers when someone I love is pregnant? Or am I committed to watching for maternity as I have seed of the process planted in my head and heart. Does it work like the Goethe quote that I have used here before (at least three other times)? “that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.”

Do I commit to the idea of motherhood, Jan or a latte and providence issues forth? There seems to be something in the imagination that can cause cascades if we choose to be open to her mystery and magic.

What happens if I commit to a disposition for a month? Say generosity – Will I get more of it, see more of it and share more of it? Another flip of the calendar page begins on Tuesday this sounds like a pseudo science experiment that would be fun to take a stab at.

If this were ‘pure science’ as described by some picky friends of mine (they are also correct) I might choose the Scientific Method.
Research
Problem
Hypothesis
Experiment
Results
Discussion and Conclusion

In my counterfeit experiment I will take liberties with all the steps.

Research – secondary and tertiary evidence (think Google) is inconsistent in its conclusion.
Problem – if people aren’t intentionally generous, they aren’t generous
Hypothesis – if I focus on generosity, she will appear much more often for me and those around me
Experiment – observe and record signs and acts of generous behavior throughout November
Results – forthcoming
Discussion and Conclusion – forthcoming in Decemebr 2016.

I will provide updates throughout but would love to have a larger sample so the pretend process offers genuine narratives and examples. Sign up for November is Generosity and let’s have some fun.

Make Next Month Remarkable,

B

Original Thought · Self Improvement · Sharing Economy

Acts of Kindness

I don’t have any particular problem with the motivation or mission of Kindness &Co. and think they have landed on an idea with the Kindness Movement. I like the Kindness & Co + Pick The Brain, Kindness Kit and can see myself using it. Where we have a tiny difference is around Random Acts. I believe that anything thta is left to random or organic is best to be left all together.

I prefer Intentional Acts of Kindness. I set out each day prepared to be kind. Not just in situations where I happen to notice someone or something and take a momentary leap and provide some generousity. For me if I am on the lookout for kindness, I see it in others and am aware of it in circumstances. I more often pause and reflect (sometimes for a few days) about how I might inject some thoughtfulness and gentleness.

John McKnight says that “generousity is the only lubricant that will make our neighbourhoods viable”. I love that sentiment and understand it to mean that we need to become fountains of kindness for each other with so much helpfulness, graciousness and hospitality spilling over the top that we are splashing each other in puddles of goodness and grace. When I am wet with drops or a deluge, I can’t help being kind.

Set out everyday to be kind, to accept kindness and to splash someone you don’t know.

B