Uncategorized

Complacency

If I take my relationships for granted (certainty) am I dooming them to the trash heap? I often am asked for marital advice and the only thing I can offer is ” that we work hard every day so we can live happily ever after”. It doesn’t happen organically or by accident. We need to intentionally focus on the needs of the other and how our actions create consequences for them. We make mistakes and take missteps and sometimes seemingly stop caring but quickly recognise the disruption and consciously make an effort to serve the relationship’s needs. I can’t offer suggestions as to what that would look like for you because each couple is unique and their requirements are unique.

It may look like spending time together – not just in the same space but sharing an experience together (probably not TV or a movie). Maybe it requires a small token; a gift of a special meal, a poem, a small significant personal item. It may mean that one or both need to share their deep affection for each other – maybe many times a day. Saying “I love you” with passion and sincerity can start a different trajectory. Follow the new direction and see where it takes you. Maybe someone needs to say ” I’m sorry. I didn’t think about how my words or actions might be heard or seen” I obviously need to say it more often because I can be blinded by my own stuff and oblivious to others.

The above paragraph isn’t meant to suggest that there is a quick fix. It is a continuous learning experience and like life a generative dynamic process. What was important 2 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 minutes ago might not have the same urgency tomorrow. Continuing to work and talk about the work, especially if that is counter to your tendencies doesn’t ensure success but not working and discussing significantly reduces the likelihood of the happily ever after fairy tale.

While I am not trying to convince you or unconvince you of anything, I contend that the most significant relationship in your life should be the highest priority in your life. Don’t wait until you are financially secure, established in your career, or less busy with children to make a loving commitment to each other, today. When your time on the planet comes to an end you won’t think ” I wish I had spent more time at work, running madly in all directions, piling up more stuff” You might feel ” I should have spent more time and energy with my partner” and you would probably be right.

Make Today Remarkable by saying yes to your relationship,
B

Uncategorized

Time

Focus

What is the smallest change you can make right now ┬áto improve your productivity? Move your chair closer, adjust your screen, drink some water? Do it? In the back of your mind ask the question again ” What is the smallest thing I can do to improve this situation?” In work, relationships, personal development there is daily room for small improvement. (Don’t I know it).

For me the smallest thing is almost always to focus on the moment. Keep focusing on the task at hand. Finish this sentence, this paragraph, this assignment.  Read deeply. Breathe deeply. Reflect.

My enemy is time – not that I have too little but that I never seem to rest in the moment. I have done all those tests to see if I live in time or through time and am not surprised that my preferred pattern is through time. This makes me on time for everything (because I leave the last discussion, task, place before it is finished (at least in my head)).

I am annoyed by people who are late for meetings with me. I feel they value their time more than mine but they likely are living in the moment and their presence in the last assignment, person or place was so complete that it ran long. I am also annoyed by those people who look over my shoulder in a conversation (I do it all the time) to see who is next to talk to. Those people who check their phone/watch and begin shuffling their notes and books into a neat pile have already moved away from the work, place, me. (I do it all the time)

The smallest thing I can do in every situation is apply focus to the moment (even for just a moment) and then try for another.