If I take my relationships for granted (certainty) am I dooming them to the trash heap? I often am asked for marital advice and the only thing I can offer is ” that we work hard every day so we can live happily ever after”. It doesn’t happen organically or by accident. We need to intentionally focus on the needs of the other and how our actions create consequences for them. We make mistakes and take missteps and sometimes seemingly stop caring but quickly recognise the disruption and consciously make an effort to serve the relationship’s needs. I can’t offer suggestions as to what that would look like for you because each couple is unique and their requirements are unique.
It may look like spending time together – not just in the same space but sharing an experience together (probably not TV or a movie). Maybe it requires a small token; a gift of a special meal, a poem, a small significant personal item. It may mean that one or both need to share their deep affection for each other – maybe many times a day. Saying “I love you” with passion and sincerity can start a different trajectory. Follow the new direction and see where it takes you. Maybe someone needs to say ” I’m sorry. I didn’t think about how my words or actions might be heard or seen” I obviously need to say it more often because I can be blinded by my own stuff and oblivious to others.
The above paragraph isn’t meant to suggest that there is a quick fix. It is a continuous learning experience and like life a generative dynamic process. What was important 2 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 minutes ago might not have the same urgency tomorrow. Continuing to work and talk about the work, especially if that is counter to your tendencies doesn’t ensure success but not working and discussing significantly reduces the likelihood of the happily ever after fairy tale.
While I am not trying to convince you or unconvince you of anything, I contend that the most significant relationship in your life should be the highest priority in your life. Don’t wait until you are financially secure, established in your career, or less busy with children to make a loving commitment to each other, today. When your time on the planet comes to an end you won’t think ” I wish I had spent more time at work, running madly in all directions, piling up more stuff” You might feel ” I should have spent more time and energy with my partner” and you would probably be right.
Make Today Remarkable by saying yes to your relationship,