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Check for Patterns

Towards Fulfillment 5

When I a feeling dissatisfied, anxious, troubled it is most often that I am comfortably in a rut. I view the world from the same perspective, doing the same things and somehow expect that things will change.  I don’t question, I don’t reflect, I do get angry and frustrated.

Yehuda Berg suggests these steps when our view or patterns are blocking us from moving forward.

ASK ” What am I doing? Is this really how I want to be acting/thinking?

Celebrate that you recognized there is a problem and that patterns and perspective need adjusting.

ASK ” what else can I do? say? How could I do this differently? What are my options?

Repair and correct your limitations and blind spots.

Recognize that you are part of a jigsaw puzzle and your piece contributes but doesn’t complete the picture.

Continue to observe and challenge your limited view and invite wisdom and perspective into your life.

I hope you try these steps for the next few days and watch how you are feeling.

 

B

 

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Fulfillment versus Entitlement

Day 4 Towards Fulfillment

To reiterate; there isn’t a silver bullet but there is a silver lining. Earning fulfillment requires reflection, observation, commitment and action. All these can be difficult but in the difficulty lies the sense of accomplishment.

There is an old story about an accomplished bank robber who never got caught. He died and awoke to meet an angel. The robber said ” this is amazing, a beautiful place, great weather, good food, everything I want”. The angel said “Enjoy”. After a few months the robber became anxious because everything was just a request away. He met with the angel and said ” I want to rob a bank”. The angel said ” where, when, how much money and we can make it happen. You will just walk in and take the cash.” The robber said, “I want to take weeks planning, and tackling the alarms, and figuring out the timing and planning my escape. I want there to be risk and reward.” The angel said ” That’s not how it works here” The robber replied ” I expected more from heaven”. ” Who said this is heaven” replied the Angel.

Reward doesn’t feel like reward unless we put the effort into accomplishing it. The sense of fulfillment is temporary and turns quickly to entitlement.

What is your greatest accomplishment? Take a few minutes and reflect on what you are most proud of; work, relationships, childhood, sports …Observe how much effort and commitment you invested in achieving the goal.

You can take on a new challenge with the same zeal, effort and persistence if it aligns with your values. What is the one thing that you need to do (big or smaller) that is really important to YOU. Are you ready to make a commitment?

 

Make Today Remarkable, by commiting to the risk,

B

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The Roots of Our Desires

We all have desires; things that we feel would change everything and make our lives so much better. I contend that there are no silver bullets, no magic elixirs, no easy fixes. Fulfillment requires effort. Meaning needs to be made. Satisfaction must be tested.

But what if we could re-evaluate our priorities and slowly refocus them towards sharing rather than getting? The measure of our life as it ends is more about how we were rather than who we were.

As you get comfortable writing about this personal stuff, you may see a window open in your head that reveals the source of your desires. ” Why am I focused on getting more?, Is it because of some childhood experience of loss or growing up in a home where love was demonstrated with gifts?”  Take 5 minutes and list 10 things that you desire. Take a breath and begin writing  sentences that begin with ” I desire (something from the list) because …” and then ask “why is that important?” at least three times.

For example – I desire a new care because I want reliable transportation

This is important because I need to get to work on time.

This is important because being late will cause me stress and my boss might be angry

This is important because being late is bad

If your sentences delves deep enough you could discover a parent or guardian saying “no one likes someone who isn’t on time”

Take some time over the weekend to examine the source of the 10 deires you wrote down and delve deep into the why is that important.

Monday we will begin looking at how we can reorder and remeasure what is important.

Make This Weekend Remarkable,

 

B

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Receiving and Giving

Day 2 Towards Fulfillment

In the list I made yesterday (I imagine yours too), there were things that I want to do, things I want to have, things that I want to be known for, and things that I want to share.

We are innately wired  to receive, sometimes with grace and other times in selfishness. most of us aren’t really great at receiving. We either take it for granted, don’t accept it as sincere or are blown away by the generousity. Our culture has convinced (or is trying to convince) us that we have a ‘right’ to stuff, either physical or emotional. But what if fulfillment started in not what we receive but in what we share?

giving

What if our lives are better, bigger, bolder and beautiful when we share our time, our money, our gifts, our love with those around us? In relationships we shouldn’t ask “why aren’t you doing those little things you used to do” but instead become the doer of all those little things. In community we shouldn’t be the one standing on the sidelines waiting for a neighbour to ask for assistance but rather we should be the guy who leans over the fence and says ” I’ve got a couple hours, can I help you with that?”.   With strangers we shouldn’t wait to receive a smile but … With servers we shouldn’t wait for their courtesy but rain courtesy on them. We can be the bringer of joy, assistance and value to almost everyone we meet.

The door to fulfillment opens a crack every time you are a giver without an expecttion of receiving.

 

Make Today Remarkably Giving,

B

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Are you Open to Fulfillment?

Do we even understand what living a fulfilled life might look like? What are the things that you would need to be fulfilled? Love, time, money. security, purpose, a new car, friends, family, relationships, health, clothes, fame …? What would be in your list? Take 5 minutes right now and list all the things (material and immaterial, worldly and spiritual, big and small) that you believe would bring you ‘happiness’. Your list will be different than mine, different from your brother’s, your partner’s or your children’s.

What are the barriers? What do you need less of to gain fulfillment? Are you physically limited in achieving or striving for those things on your list? Have you thought about why those things are/should be important? Are stress, conflict, timidity, uncertainty, lack of confidence, lack of wisdom, limited understanding, damaged relationships, poor health on the list?

Are  you interested and committed to seeing how much of the two lists you can change? Are you ready to shake things up and trust that the Universe has a plan for you and that you need to seek it? Do you want to make meaning for your life?

The next three weeks, I commit to sharing this journey with you, as I undertake it. I will write something here that I observe, learn, discover – good and bad. Are you willing to join me?

 

Make Today the Beginning,

B

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What is Success

When you win an argument, finish a project, or earn a promotion – is this success? If we measure success by momentary and temporary accomplishments will we be fulfilled?

There are consequences to all our action choices. If I succeed in winning an argument with my beloved but it leaves her feeling sad, how can that be positive? My ego is boosted by the win but my relationship is damaged too. If I work 70 hours a week for 6 months to finish an important project but my blood pressure and weight are dangerously high, is that good?

I have proposed that we have at least 7 elements in our life; Health, Fun. Relationships, Projects, Work, Financial, Spiritual. Don’t get caught up on the titles or definitions. The key is to observe how satisfied we are in each area and then noticing what the whole looks like. Most of us would see disharmony; one element high others low. One element dragging down others. One element taking away time, kinetic energy and reources while starving others. I don’t like to think of trying to balance these like a scale but rather seeking to honor each with care and attention. Success in one area is illusory if it comes at a cost in others.

 

There are many resources available to help find a rhythm that is harmonious and that creates success across your life wheel. If coaching is something that you would consider, contact me at bob@remarkablepeople.ca for a free 30 minute session.

 

Make Today Remarkable, by noticing,

B