Tag: Uncertainty

Self Improvement · Teamwork · Uncertainty

Transitions

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Do transitions maker you anxious? Do you have trouble moving from one activity or environment to another? Do you prefer to stay home after a busy day and long commute rather than going out on the town? Even when I am in control of the circumstances, I still need to self-motivate and self-regulate in times when I need to transition from a comfortable situation to an unknown opportunity.

Imagine how anxious you might be if you weren’t in control and didn’t have a voice in where you were expected to go next. Predictability is a strategy that many employers use but that level of familiarity breeds contempt and boredom. A better approach would be to design respectful, productive, shifts from one approach, assignment, or expectation to something different.

Today I witnessed anxiety, pain and discomfort from an employee who is living with uncertainty and anxiety about where and what they need to be undertaking in the next phase of their employment. I also saw a small child fall to the ground and flail and scream when it was time to go home.

Whether working with a team or shepherding a family these 6 tactics should be part of the plan.

1. Don’t undermine, deride or deny the feelings that are being experienced, even if you don’t feel the same way or understand how someone else might be feeling. observe the body signals and listen to their words with openness and curiosity. Acknowledge the feelings and encourage everyone to safely express their concerns. It may feel that being a command and control leader or parent would be more effective and productive and it may be in the shorter term but the anxiety, emotional upheaval and health challenges this can cause will be more costly in the long run. Be the type of leader who leads with consistency, compassion and care will give you real authority and license to hold high expectations and be respected for helping them through the awkwardness rather than pushing them into a chasm.

2. Offer a clear, brief explanation as to why the change is needed. ” I understand that you are busy calling all our accounts receivable but I need a weekly sales report to give to the president” ” I can see that you would like to stay at the park but we need to leave in five minutes so that we can get home to start supper before mommy gets off work. She is working very hard and will be very hungry. Can you help me make supper?

3. Even in moments of anxiousness and distress don’t behaviour that is unacceptable or for expectations to be lessened. It may seem counterintuitive and callous but in stressful situations and transitions, consistency is more than ever.

4. Be generous with gratitude and judicious with praise. They need to know that their efforts are appreciated but lavishing too many accolades creates neediness.

5. Be patient. Be patient with the people and the process. Let reality sink in and leave time for reflection and understanding. Through our patience and trust, we give employees and others that we support a safe place to air their concerns, acknowledge that they are heard and still lead them through the rocky change.

6. The hardest thing to practice when faced with resistance, is determination. Don’t backtrack, don’t concede, don’t surrender or your leadership/parenting will become suspect.

This isn’t a silver bullet that will work in every situation (nothing is) but if you follow these steps and master the listening and negotiation skills that go along with them, you will have fewer tantrums, rebellions or productivity drops.

There’s a little bit of pain in every transition, but we can’t let that stop us from making it. If we did, we’d never make any progress at all. ~ Phil Schiller

Make Today Remarkable by leading rather than pushing,

Bob

Original Thought · Self Improvement · Uncertainty

Are you Courageous?

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Courage; where does yours come from? Courage isn’t the opposite of fear, it is the opposite of complacency. Complacency is the bastard child of certainty and convenience. When those two get together, they sap our curiousity, commitment, collaboration and destroys our courage by convincing us to continue clamoring confidently along. When we believe we are right, we don’t need to be courageous – just stubborn. When convenience removes all challenges or worse convinces us to avoid circumstances that cause inconvenience, we get stuck deeper in the muck of mediocrity (complacency’s cousin). It doesn’t take much mediocrity to bring about inertia. When the muck gets above our knees we become paralyzed.

Does it sound like a terrible state and a trap to be avoided? I spend a lot of my day reminding myself that I need to create a bit of chaos so I remain curious and vigilant.

The practice of avoiding complacency and encouraging courage, for me, is about embracing a bit of ambiguity in every moment.
I avoid over analyzing circumstances, which is an easier practice than I imagined. If I start digging into weeds, I lift up my head and think about the garden and the sky. If I go all big picture and start considering the global ramifications, I try to focus on the bottom of my feet and breathe deeply.

I have, thanks to Gretchen Rubin and Bernadette Jiwa’s work, adopted a habitual morning practice. It still causes me some angst to say that because I once felt that habit was a handcuff. But now I begin my day at 5am with a guided meditation and some language learning. By the time I get to my first coffee I have awakened my heart with reflection and my brain with a small challenge. The remainder of the morning before a run or workout has me roaming news and information sites. A forty minute to an hour exercise session takes me to 07:30 and the routine ends. The rest of the day can feel like fire fighting (some of the flare ups that I started) and work with clients and causes.

While I am often sharing responsibility for my time with appointments and meetings I avoid letting someone else highjack my agenda for the day. The choices I make either lead me to predictability or adventure. Predictably I usually choose adventure. If I believed in destiny, I would say ” I am destined for the next adventure” or ” Adventure is my destiny”. If I succumb to spending 12 hours working on a clients problem and curtail my personal plan for one day, I can make up for it. But if a demanding issue, that isn’t within my manifesto, begins to consume me I need to take back ownership of my schedule.

In an effort to combat certainty and manifest courage, I passionately stand up for my values and respectfully listen for points of agreement and points of diversion and then try to understand and synthesize differing points of reference and view. In diplomatically defending my ideas, I am forced to consider the why, what, where of the views and why I am so sure that they are valid. I bring myself to listen to and hear opinions and ‘facts’ that differ from mine and consider why, what, where again. It is hard to get complacent when I intentionally put myself on a rollercoaster.

In my bravest moments, I am not afraid of the change that comes from embracing uncertainty. I still surprise myself when I hear my voice digging in on a position with defensive posturing. ” Experts have shown”, ” We all know”, “The facts are” are all cowardly bullying if I am sincere in exploring new ideas and testing old ones.

I try to avoid definitive statements, definitive articles, and definitive tone when in a discussion or friendly debate. My curiousity should be to understand not to win points. If I practice an indefinate approach and keep my head, hands and heart open, I will hear, see, and feel the world differently and that is what excites me.

Make Today Remarkable, by exploring the impossible, embracing the unimagined and trying the undoable,

Bob

fiction · Original Thought · Uncertainty

Alternative Aesop’s Fable

Bob McInnis1 Comment

Once upon a time, A man and his wife owned a very special goose. Every morning the goose would lay a golden egg, which helped the couple care for their five children. Throughout the day, the goose had the run of the farm and could go wherever she wanted and did whatever she would do. She ate from the garden, drank from the pond and honked at everyone within earshot. But the farmer appreciated the goose because of the golden eggs and gave her free rein.

goose

Unknown to the farmer and his wife, the goose served her own needs when no one was looking. As the family slept, the goose crept into the house and climbed on the cooling stove. She then pooped into the porridge pot, that mother had made and put on the stove waiting to feed the family in the morning. As everyone knows geese that lay golden eggs poop a vile poisonous runny stool. The farmer didn’t notice the mess because there was always a golden egg waiting by the door.

In the morning, father lit the stove and began warming the pot. As his children came to the table, he served them a big bowl. At first, no one noticed the foul taste or at least no one mentioned it. Day after day, week after week, the same ritual happened. The goose fouled the porridge and left an egg. The father warmed the porridge, and the children ate. But one day the youngest child fell ill. She complained of stomach pains and had trouble breathing. The father blamed it on the weather or other natural causes and said: ” she will be fine, just wait and see.” But she wasn’t. Within a fortnight the sweet little girl was gone, and everyone mourned her passing, but life went on.

Day after day, week after week, the same ritual happened. Soon two more children were ill, complaining of the same symptoms. Father and mother thought: “maybe it isn’t the seasons or the gods bringing this trouble on our house.” But no one suspected the goose, after all, she gave them a golden egg every morning.

Soon two more children died, and the last two were very sick. Mom and dad did everything they could. They sought out experts who told them it must be the oats, the water, the air or bad genes that were taking the family. Many ‘knew’ it was the goose but didn’t say anything because they had their own goose and couldn’t acknowledge that the generous goose was intentionally poisoning them too.

The farmer and his wife were alone. All five children had been taken. Everything that they had cared about seemed pointless. Day after day, week after week, the same ritual happened. The goose fouled the porridge and left an egg. With certain blindness, the farmer and his wife continued to eat the porridge. The eggs piled up because there were now only the two of them and the farmer’s wife became very sick. The farmer nursed her; he cared for her, he cried for her. But she too soon was gone. The farmer shouted: ” Damn you, goose, you have given me gold, just as you were taking everything that was important.”

He stopped eating the porridge and stopped gathering the eggs. Day after day, week after week, the same ritual happened. The goose fouled the porridge and left an egg. Soon the pot overflowed with poop. The air became putrid, and the gold became tarnished, and soon the farmer wasted away and was gone. And then there was just the goose, and the goose had the run of the farm and could go wherever she wanted and did whatever she would do.

With thanks and respect to Aesop’s Fables, number 87 and thanks to you for considering this alternative version.